it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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