its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
