are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
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i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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