Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I forget how to act sober
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