my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
