Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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