i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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