The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i drank out of a bidet.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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