totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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