I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize