Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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