Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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