please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
