As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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