I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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