i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
