Whoa Z and x make the same sound
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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