She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
