I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You need Xanax blowdarts
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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