Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
