so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
