I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
