some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
