saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Randomize
