I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
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