I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
