I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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