I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
