Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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