I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Text me some of your sweat
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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