Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
