Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
