Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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