watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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