You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
