My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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