this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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