Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
