I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
