if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
