our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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