The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
