I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
