dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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