Just cropdusted the office
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
