Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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