I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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