i can't believe i had my finger in that
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
