Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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