i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
