The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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