Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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