In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
