But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
