why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
