You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
