google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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