dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
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sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is Oprah even human
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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