Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
