A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
organizing the empties. That sober.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
