I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
