I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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