I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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