I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
