dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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