I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize