I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
