The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
