When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
