Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
