dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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