This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
