But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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