Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
